My mind, like many others, connects the dots between different thoughts, creating a train of ideas that leads to a conclusion, an idea, or a concept. Often, these thoughts are too complex, so we simplify by sharing just the conclusion — but that’s like reading the summary of a book: it’s good, but lacks context. Today, I’ll try to share not just my thoughts, but also some of the context behind them.
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Today, I found myself sitting at my desk, playing Dota 2 for a couple of hours. I hadn’t touched the game in months, but after a series of rough weeks, I needed to unplug and have some fun.
At first, it didn’t feel the same as before, but I figured it was just a matter of time. Business can be tough and make you numb — I’ve been there before — so I was sure the fun would come back eventually.
Earlier, I had a conversation with my five-year-old about spending too much time on the PlayStation, especially now that it’s summer and he’s not in Kindergarten. I’ve already accepted that we can’t completely eliminate technology from his life, but we can manage it. Things escalated a few days ago, but we’re in a good place now. He understands when it’s time to put down the controller and go outside to play.
Meanwhile, my wife is upstairs, eight months pregnant, preparing clothes for our new son, who will be here in the next 4–6 weeks. She’s exhausted, happy, nervous, and experiencing all the emotions that come with late pregnancy.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how many parents lose touch with their children, especially during puberty — the time when kids need the most attention. With all those hormones raging, extremes become common, whether it’s in religion, ideology, narcissism, gaming, or something else. For most, it’s just a phase, but when a young person becomes an extremist in any area, a lot can go wrong. Parents need to step in, but often they can’t because of their own social and economic pressures. You need to unplug the teenager and work with them one-on-one to navigate this phase. Most people don’t have the time, money, or will to do that, so things just happen “naturally.”
At least, If there is a time to receive a new download, your higher self, the universe, God — whatever you believe in — will send it to you, repeatedly, through different channels, until you receive it.
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So there I was, at my desk, in my office, playing Dota while my son ran through the house, arguing with my wife about a childish mistake he made while playing with his friends — right after I’d told him to take a break from the PlayStation and play outside. Now, she had to clean up the mess.
I listened to the back-and-forth between a highly pregnant mother and her almost-five-year-old son (he’ll be five in a week) about how not to repeat that mistake. At that moment, two things happened:
- First, I remembered a video ↓ — this specific one — and replayed it in my mind: You Become A Man When You Become Responsible For Other People | Shia LaBeouf
- Second, I realized that I’m still not fully taking responsibility in my life — for my family, for myself, for my future, for my legacy. I’m still that little kid who didn’t have a PlayStation or PC and wanted to play like everyone else.
It hit me how pathetic I was at 34, chasing the never-ending highs of childhood desires. Instead of putting in the work to learn, build, and upgrade myself, my family, and my company, I was playing like a child — even after I’d just told my own child to stop.
It’s not that I haven’t done enough today, or yesterday, or the week before, or even in the years before — it’s just that it doesn’t matter. Your child needs you now, your wife needs you now, your family, friends, and company need you now. You have limited energy and time each day. You either invest in quality time or waste it on activities with no value. You either play Dota or learn math with your son. You either talk with your wife, do your emails, take a course, or scroll on social media.
There’s always an easy dopamine boost waiting somewhere, but as the saying goes:
You have to sacrifice in life, or your life will become the sacrifice.
It’s time to close the wounds, be a grown man, and take full responsibility and accountability — not just some of it, but all of it.
I’m currently reading Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, and the crazy part is that despite being in different times and places, Frankl and I have had some similar experiences in different realms. He was at the edge of human endurance, while I’m on the edge of my spiritual journey. If I had lived Frankl’s life and gone through what he did, I would be him.
We are all connected and we are all one. Different bodies, different experiences, same same but different! — The Egg — A Short Story
I am my son, my son is me. He is my inner child, I’m the grown-up version of him. He will grow up, and I will grow older. He asked me, “Why do you work? To make money?” I told him, “No, to give us time — good times together.” If not for me, then at least for him, it’s time to set the benchmark higher than ever before.
One day, I will be old, talk to my children as friends about the sacrifices, suffering, love & joy becoming a man gives you! Some little stories from my past, and their future I will share once more and we all will laugh!
23:50, Sunday 11.08.2024 — Pristinë