A question appears above my head: how do you deal with narcissistic people? My answer goes straight to a poem. Oscar Wilde. A bitter look, flattering words, a kiss, a sword.
The thought behind my answer is simple: love does not make every kind of treatment acceptable. When a relationship keeps making you smaller, staying in it is not automatically an act of courage.
The video is direct. An article gives me room for the part a short answer cannot hold: recognising a harmful pattern, deciding what is yours to change, and making a decision safely.
Why that poem came to mind
In The Ballad of Reading Gaol, Wilde writes: “Yet each man kills the thing he loves.” The poem opens with a man who has killed a woman and faces execution; its images carry that serious context. It is not a relationship manual, and the sword is not advice to hurt somebody. ¹
What I take from the passage is the uncomfortable distance between what we say we feel and what our actions do. A person can use the language of love while damaging what they claim to value. Affection does not erase the effects of behaviour.
That is my reading of the poem. It does not diagnose the person in the viewer’s question.
Look at the behaviour before the label
“Narcissist” gets used very quickly online. A comment, a clip or a disagreement cannot establish a clinical diagnosis. For a personal decision, the more useful question is concrete: what is happening, how often, and what happens when you say no?
There is a difference between an argument where both people can take responsibility and a pattern of intimidation or control. The NHS identifies belittling, isolation, threats and controlling money among possible signs of domestic abuse. Abuse can affect anyone. ²
A boundary does not require winning a debate about the other person’s personality. It can be a clear statement of what you will do: end a conversation when insults begin, seek support, or reconsider contact. Those are examples, not a prescription for every relationship.
Courage also needs a plan
My quick answer in the video is to cut the harmful tie. Where there is coercion or danger, the practical step needs more care than that sentence suggests. The NHS recommends seeking specialist advice before leaving an abusive situation and being careful about who knows the plan. If danger is immediate, contact local emergency services. The linked NHS service information is for the UK; elsewhere, use local support. ²
Nobody outside your life sees every dependency, child, threat or financial constraint. Asking for help can be the action that makes a boundary possible. It is not a failure to be strong enough.
I return to the point that made me answer so forcefully: you do not have to disappear inside a relationship to prove that you love.
Love should leave room for you to exist.
Sources and calculation notes
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¹ Oscar Wilde, The Ballad of Reading Gaol, primary text. The interpretation here is personal; no violent action is advocated.
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² NHS: Domestic violence and abuse, reviewed 23 June 2026. Behaviour examples and leaving-safely guidance are paraphrased; this is not an individual diagnosis or safety assessment.
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The original question is visible in the thumbnail. The clip’s broad answer and literary reference were checked against its caption and audio; an imperfect automatic transcript is not quoted as exact speech. The diagrams organise ideas, not clinical findings.
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Original video and thumbnail: Eduard Luta on TikTok. Published 2026-09-10. Research checked 26 September 2026.