Working with love stories, I kept noticing something I wanted to talk about: people who were absorbed in building a life together seemed to be living inside a different conversation.

They were thinking about the person beside them, the future, the version of themselves they wanted to bring into that relationship. In this video I contrast that with the endless habit of finding something wrong with everybody else.

I put it provocatively: love more, judge less.

An invitation, not a diagnosis

The video makes a broad link between being in love and judging people less. I would not turn that into a scientific rule. People in relationships can be cruel; people who are single can be generous. You cannot diagnose a stranger’s capacity for love from one unpleasant comment.

The useful question is closer to home: where am I putting my own attention? Am I trying to understand something, improve something or care for someone? Or am I using another person’s life as material for a performance of superiority?

That question is uncomfortable because it applies to me too.

Where does the attention go?. Understand: Ask what you do not yet know.. Care: Notice the person and the effort.. Build: Do something for the life you want.
Personal prompts, not a measure of someone’s capacity for love.

Criticism can have a job to do

Judging less does not mean pretending every action is harmless. A dishonest claim can need correcting. A boundary can need defending. A person affected by a decision can have a legitimate objection.

The distinction I want is between criticism that identifies a real issue and contempt that reduces a whole person to a label. “This number is wrong” gives us something to check. “You are worthless” gives us very little to build with.

It also matters whether I know enough. A short clip rarely contains a person’s entire relationship, history or intention. Sometimes the most honest response is a question. Sometimes it is to leave the comment unwritten.

Put some attention into the life you want

In the video, love extends beyond a romantic partner: love for life, for yourself, for the person close to you. I mean an active investment of attention, not a permanent good mood.

That can be ordinary. Ask a better question. Notice an effort. Finish something that makes another person’s day easier. Spend time on the relationship instead of narrating everybody else’s.

Give criticism a purpose. Specific: Name the action or claim.. Grounded: Check what you actually know.. Useful: Say what needs correcting or changing.
A suggested distinction between criticism and contempt.

None of those actions earns immunity from criticism. They simply move the centre of the day towards something I value.

The feeling of being understood is part of this too; I explore it in “I See You”. I want to be seen with some generosity. It seems fair to practise giving that generosity back.

Sources and calculation notes

  • Based on my observations and interpretation in the original video. No causal relationship between romantic status and judgement is asserted. The examples of criticism are illustrative, not quotations from a specific exchange.

  • Original video and thumbnail: Eduard Luta on TikTok. Published 2026-06-27. Research checked 26 September 2026.